A man known only as The Marshall has chased an escaped prisoner, Krie-eleren, to the planet Brink, near the Void between galaxies.
He fights battles on several fronts. One with the prisoner and his allies, one with himself, and one with the A.I. Deputy he created who has fallen in love with him.
They meet Hope, a woman from his dreams who says she’s been waiting for The Marshall for a long time. Is she friend, or foe?
Along the way, The Marshall and Clarice find other allies within the Outpost who will aid them in their task, which they discover is greater than capturing one dangerous criminal.
If The Marshall and Clarice survive the crazed locals that have sided with Krie-eleren against them, they must then deal with whatever hides in The Void and within The Marshall himself.
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I finished reading Episode 1. I enjoyed all of the literary and film references you made (Hannibal, Pygmalion) as part of the character’s jokes to each other. Clever. The part about Earth becoming irrelevant in the age of space travel rang true for me as well. It made sense. Your world building was super interesting although sometimes difficult (but not impossible) to picture — I mean, the scale is so massive.
In terms of constructive criticism, it would have been cool to see The Marshal worry about the Deputy more — show that he has a greater emotional attachment to her. If she breaks down or pauses for too long, maybe The Marshall gets nervous, worries or does something that isn’t in his nature or part of his usual behaviour.
Lastly, is their relationship a main or side story? So far, I like the banter the two of them have, so I’ll keep reading.
Thanks. After reading yours, I will rework my current and future chapters to be a bit less dry, lol.
I thought about spreading out the world-building a bit, but I thought it best to set the stage for the current and future episodes.
The Marshall is having a hard time expressing emotions because of his obsession with his quarry. He’s put everything aside until that is resolved, even Clarice. Trust in Clarice because she is nothing if not persistent.
This series began as a short story and has blossomed into something more. In the short, there was no Clarice, only another character you will meet later. When I began to expand the short, Clarice barged her way into the story and while the relationship between her and The Marshall began as a side story, she would not have any of that. Clarice had a very strong personality.
I appreciate the feedback!